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------------------------------------------------Article of Interest |
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COMMUNICATION-KEY TO A GOOD ROOMMATE RELATIONSHIP
dan the roommate man
Communication is the biggest key to any relationship, and roommates are no
different.
Open up the channels of communication early: Talk frankly about how excited
you are, if you are nervous, etc. Get it out; they probably feel the same
way. Doing so will establish that you're both committed to making it work,
even when the honeymoon is over.
Look at yourself and your own habits, think of what a roommate would most
likely complain about and point blank say "Look, if my [snoring, late
nights, music, etc] become a problem tell me". In selecting a roommate you
want to make sure that your lifestyles won't conflict.
Message Board
Setup a flat message board, such as a fridge whiteboard or notepad in
kitchen area. Some things, though, are better to talk about in person. Don't
say, "Clean the bathroom"; say "Give me a call when you get a chance".
Nobody likes to be told what to do or be "talked at", think about things
from their shoes, even if you may be mad at them.
Speaking of getting mad ... avoid waiting until your roommate steps on your
toes before saying something. When you sense a situation could occur talk to
them ahead of time. Don't stew about things, get it out, chances are he/she
will appreciate you talking to them instead of moping around. A little
effort and maturity is a worthwhile investment, it will go a long way
towards helping you enjoy your place. Sometimes you will have to be the
bigger man, so to say
Disagreements
Handling disagreements in a functional way is difficult. Like any
relationship, it will have its ups and downs. How things go when it's "down"
determines how happy you are.
Remember, you're unhappy (to put it mildly), and your goal is to become
happy again. This will involve some charm and charisma on your part. Being
the one to initiate things is usually the best way to accomplish this: It
puts you in control, demonstrates your willingness to work things out, and
takes the burden off of them somewhat.
Think through a given situation before you approach your roommate, run
through the conversation in your head. What are you going to say? What are
they going to say back? And so forth.
Remember, it will take both of you to make things work, part of that
requires you to understand your roommate's position. The other is to
effectively communicate yours, and persuade them into seeing it. Unless
you're living with a complete jerk, your roommate will be willing to work
with you once he understands where you are coming from. Using the
understanding of his position to illuminate yours will let you talk as
non-combatively as possible.
Some things cannot be lined with roses, though. If you have to be blunt, say
so. Add that you're not trying to be unreasonable, but you feel strongly,
and want to work things out.
Nothing is gained if you "suck it up" or by backing down when its time to
talk. The same can be said of going on a rant and yelling at them. The key
is to get your point across without putting them on the defensive. Once
someone is in a defensive mood any rational conversation is impossible.
Table a discussion for an hour if things get heated up, but don't let them
drag out over days. That's days of unresolved misery for you.
Avoid heat of passion "discussions" by bringing up problems before they come
to a boiling point. Again, talk to your roommate. Telling your friends for
weeks about how they have been annoying you will eventually culminate with
you loosing your cool. The longer you put off talking to the other person
the longer you're unhappy.
Nobody likes to be mad, and good discussions often come easier than you'd
think, with just a little effort to approach them and share your feelings.
Be reachable!
Chances are you probably have a cell phone, but if you don't, consider
getting one. Pagers are also nearly as handy and cost a lot less if you're
on a tight budget. This will give your roommate (and friends) a way to get
hold of you any time, and at least give you a message. Most severe roommate
problems arise from one person "broad siding" another; be it with a house
unexpectedly full of people or "borrowing food" without asking.
Friends A common contention; sometimes its not your roommate that can drive
you crazy, it's his or her obnoxious friends. Think about that before moving
in with someone, you'll be in the company of their friends as well as
themselves. Are you OK with them being around with you not there?
Frustrations easily mount when you or your roommate come home to a bunch of
guests unexpectedly. Unless you're both social butterflies 24x7, agree to
talk to the other person by cell phone/pager before you give the go ahead
for your "crew" to swing by for some brews and watch the game. Again, in
deciding on a roommate this is another point to check and make sure your
lifestyles don't conflict. You're looking for someone with whom most of the
time will not have a problem with people coming over when you want. When one
of you wants to keep it quiet one night, it won't be a big deal.
Bedrooms
Bedroom locations are a major key to enjoying your living area. If your
bedroom isn't a place you feel comfortable, you're going to be unhappy and
prone to having problems with your roommate. Check a prospective place out
before agreeing to share it. Online floor plans greatly help with this.
Wall sharing with common areas, other apartment units, and other bedrooms
are the biggest things to think about. For example, if your roommate says he
likes to play PlayStation 2 until 3am and you like to hit the sack at
midnight, avoid sharing a wall with the TV. Usually you won't have much
flexibility in floor plans, and you'll have to choose between sharing a wall
with a common area, or another bedroom. Weight things out: If you're a night
owl, sharing a wall with the TV area might be the way to go.
Doorways and bathrooms are another thing to remember. Your roommate will be
coming in and out of these while you're trying to sleep, do they need to
travel by your door? Sharing a wall with the bathroom may look good, but at
6am when the noisy shower wakes you up your feelings may change. Check
things out, run the shower, see how loud it is (you should check out the
water pressure anyway!). Remember things will be quieter once your things
are there, too, but don't count on it.
Like to sleep in? A window that lets sunlight at the crack of dawn may be
something to avoid. Also, nearby roads can wake you up, especially in the
winter plowing season. Think about distance and sheltering from the street,
as well as parking.
About the Author
dan the roommate man
www.roommateexpress.com
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